Greetings! After a year long hiatus from this blog, I've decided to make a comeback. Not that anyone could bother anyway. The reason for my comeback is rather simple and reasonable - I have a crush. There, I said it, I have a crush. I felt like I needed a concrete platform for me to vent my frustrations, share my excitement and whatnot without annoying my friends by constantly spamming them with my whines or giggles.
It's quite amazing how just one person can spark such heightened emotions, be it happiness or sadness. The more you like the person, the wider the range gets. In the expanse of these emotions, I've only gotten more emotionally unstable. The usual optimistic personality that I've mastered well over the years are gradually crumbling down. I could feel my emotions fervently kicking one brick at a time until one day, everything collapses and I'll be trapped under all the ruins - my wellbeing, mostly.
He makes me so happy. Everytime I talk to him I'm on cloud nine. He's so opinionated and intellectual, which is exactly what I seek for in a guy. Who knew a man who I met through omegle and forged an acquaintance by getting married to two strippers in Las Vegas could become the man that's making my stomach stir and have trillions of pupae hatching in it. As disgusting as it sounds, it's an indescribable feeling and words can't adequately depict half the emotions rushing through me simultaneously. Undeniably, he's the most amazing person you would ever meet and I wouldn't be surprised if girls were throwing themselves all over him (including me ha ha). Did I mention how he always knows what to say and it bugs me so much? In a good way of course. I vividly remember (well, it was only a few days ago) how I was at a really low point in my life where I was under immense stress and I got into a verbal fight with my dad, which resulted in him hitting me on the head causing my head to throb for the rest of the night. Of course that affected me greatly. I wasn't in the right state of mind and I was incredibly defeated. Life didn't mean that much to me at that time. Fortunately, I had him. He comforted me with the best way a person could. He didn't force any advice or lectures onto me. He handled my sadness very well and made me feel so much better. Plus my friends were being really shitty at the time which only made things worse. That night I rambled and ranted and poured out all my emotions to him. Unfortunately, he was already asleep. The next day, he replied me with the most heartwarming texts that I've ever gotten from a boy. I seriously don't know how he can make things better in just a blink of eye, causing me to burst into fits of giggles as I read his messages, making my heart hammer profusely against my rib cage. At that time, I felt blessed.
Au contraire, he makes me so depressed. This isn't frequent *heaves sigh of relief* but I'm currently in the midst it which really sucks because it's affecting me so much to the point where I just wanna break down and cry. But, there's no reason for me to. This is so pathetic. He doesn't text me for one day and I become an emotional and hormonal teenage wreck. It's so obvious that I'm not his top priority, seeing as he's real far away, has university and has his own Australian life going on whereas I'm just a 16 year old teenage disaster that constantly texts him. He has no reason to look for me because he has his own life and duties right? This just makes me so sad because I mean NOTHING to him when he means almost EVERYTHING to me right now. It's really lame, I know.
Heck, I should really start studying.
